Tag-Archive for » Tony «

Painting the Silver Screen

10
Oct 2010
By

interior-paintingI have recently come to the sad realisation that nothing in life is like how it is in the movies. Late in life to work this out, I know, but there you have it. Most folk can guess that indulging in light stalking of a bloke in Seattle will probably get you an AVO not a romance. Smart people know that small children left home alone will probably not foil would-be burglars. And yes, someone who spends most of their time “whispering” horses probably stinks like manure.

I did hope however that some things would be a little more like their celluloid depictions. Painting for example. For the last few weekends my husband and I have been painting several deceptively large rooms in our house.  On Saturday I stood brush in hand in our semi-demolished dining room while the penny dropped. These weeks of inhaling paint fumes, climbing ladders, stretching, grunting and cursing were nothing at all like how loving couple paint in the movies.

Being a loving wife, I called him on it. “If this were a movie, we would not be spending our time moaning about the other’s lack of proficiency at ‘cutting in’ and the state of commercial radio playlists. You would reach down from your ladder and lovingly wipe a smudge  of paint from my cheek and I would playfully swipe a daub onto your nose. Then we would laugh and kiss and sigh among our artfully draped matching dropcloths.”

“Ah,” my husband replied pragmatically. “But then the bad guys would swoop in and shoot up our house, and you would die in my arms, and I’d be recruited by a government agency to track down the evil scum and avenge your death.”

“What?”

“Come on, whenever they show a couple painting a room, usually for a new baby, the wife always dies and the husband has to avenge her death. I’d probably hook up with some hot scientist or government agent though, so there would still be a happy ending. For me, at least.”

“Right… Hey,  you’ve splashed some paint on the cornices! And I can’t believe they’re playing freaking Nickelback again!”

OK – so maybe it’s a good thing that life isn’t like the movies. But a girl can dream. What part of life would you like to be more like in the movies?

Category: Deep Thinks  5 Comments  Tags: , , ,

Surprising Whitegoods

01
Mar 2010
By

ice cubesI bought a new fridge on the weekend. Mostly because we needed more space, but also because I love the idea of a dedicated spare fridge in the garage for drinks. This will also come in handy when my husband brings home “Surprise Meat”.

There are two types of Surprise Meat. The first is that of meat trays won at the Friday Night Raffles, offered up like a peasant seeking indulgences from the Pope, in atonement for spending too long at the RSL after work.The second kind is  enormous bulk bags of dog bones that were on sale when he went to the butcher’s for something to throw on the BBQ.  Both kinds of Surprise Meat would be great value for money, except we have to call the kids in to eat a litre of icecream and 2 bags of grated cheese to fit it all in. Not anymore. “Straight to the garage!” I will bellow, thus taking care of both purchases and purchaser for some time.

Another delight of my new purchase has been the owner’s manual. Now I know what you’re thinking – “It’s a fridge! Plug it in. Turn it on.” But this new-fangled appliance has a special cooling area for meat, as well as some digital display bits and a water dispenser, so I wanted to make sure I was “doing it right”. No RTFM errors for this little black duck.

Of course I forgot to take a refresher course in manualese and techish. This manual seems to have taken a particularly convoluted course through one of the dodgier online translators.

Highlights include:

  • When the door is opened, the warmer air can’t influence in the fresh zone. So you can store food more fresh in it.
  • Inserted convertible room must be placed at its position. If door is opened, it can’t fill the role of it.
  • …and oxidize under sunlight to decomposing malodor by ultraviolet.

Most puzzling were the instructions included with the water dispenser. Do not use anything other than water including. That’s it. Including what? Now I’m wondering what thing I could have possibly thought of that doesn’t fall under the “anything other than water” stipulation.Although I may have briefly considered how awesome it would be to have a chilled gin and tonic dispenser within reach at all times.

But my favourite part of the brochure is the warning box clarifying how to dispose of a fridge safely, so that children can’t become locked inside. Very important information, and the eye is drawn to it because the heading reads VERY DANGEROUS ATTRACTION! I want that on a t-shirt.

Category: Domestic Thinks  4 Comments  Tags: ,