I have recently come to the sad realisation that nothing in life is like how it is in the movies. Late in life to work this out, I know, but there you have it. Most folk can guess that indulging in light stalking of a bloke in Seattle will probably get you an AVO not a romance. Smart people know that small children left home alone will probably not foil would-be burglars. And yes, someone who spends most of their time “whispering” horses probably stinks like manure.
I did hope however that some things would be a little more like their celluloid depictions. Painting for example. For the last few weekends my husband and I have been painting several deceptively large rooms in our house. On Saturday I stood brush in hand in our semi-demolished dining room while the penny dropped. These weeks of inhaling paint fumes, climbing ladders, stretching, grunting and cursing were nothing at all like how loving couple paint in the movies.
Being a loving wife, I called him on it. “If this were a movie, we would not be spending our time moaning about the other’s lack of proficiency at ‘cutting in’ and the state of commercial radio playlists. You would reach down from your ladder and lovingly wipe a smudge of paint from my cheek and I would playfully swipe a daub onto your nose. Then we would laugh and kiss and sigh among our artfully draped matching dropcloths.”
“Ah,” my husband replied pragmatically. “But then the bad guys would swoop in and shoot up our house, and you would die in my arms, and I’d be recruited by a government agency to track down the evil scum and avenge your death.”
“Come on, whenever they show a couple painting a room, usually for a new baby, the wife always dies and the husband has to avenge her death. I’d probably hook up with some hot scientist or government agent though, so there would still be a happy ending. For me, at least.”
“Right… Hey, you’ve splashed some paint on the cornices! And I can’t believe they’re playing freaking Nickelback again!”
OK – so maybe it’s a good thing that life isn’t like the movies. But a girl can dream. What part of life would you like to be more like in the movies?