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Spoiled for Choice

07
Jun 2011
By

My daughter has foolishly left me alone in the house with her box of Cadbury Favourites. Now generally, I would be happy to eat each and every one of these delicious morsels. The trouble is, when faced with a choice it all becomes too hard. Crunchies are too light, Boosts are hearty, Caramellos are divine but a tad small, plain Dairy Milk is too moreish, and the Moro – well, I’m not even sure what that is. I’d eat the lot, but I have a sneaking suspicion she’d notice. In fact, I’m not sure that she hasn’t counted them. Besides what I really feel like is a Chomp. There’s something about the way they feel when you bite them – the wafer crunches and the caramel is just that little bit chewy and the chocolate is light and creamy. Dammit. I’ll just have my bowl of pears and be done with it. 

 

What’s your favourite chocolate bar?

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Phase One Complete!

17
Oct 2010
By

Things are slowly starting to fall into place with our home improvements. After two solid days of painting we downed brushes at 6pm last night and surveyed our work. The verdict? Not bad.  Hardly the work of professionals – there are lots of dips and daubs along skirting boards and cornices, but we have done our best. It’s a bit like a Monet* – best viewed from far away to get the full effect. Or you can squint and just turn your head slightly to one side. Here – take a look.

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*Yes I am aware I just compared my painting skills to one of the best artists of all time. What of it???

The colour I chose for the lounge room was darker than that of the hallways and dining room.  I also added it to the wall near the stairs to the dining room to be an accent. However in some lights it seems to be exactly the same, thanks to the twists and turns of our walls causing all kinds of hocus pocus with the shadows. So my ‘feature’ wall’s most astonishing feature seems to be that it matches all the other walls. Ah well.

Add in some new lights and new floors (being done as I type!) and it is all starting to look schmick as. Can’t wait to spend next weekend just sitting and admiring it.  My arms and legs are far too tired to do anything else.

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It is Decidedly So.

19
Sep 2010
By

After several years of putting up with scungy old shagpile carpet, dull chipped paint and the world’s ugliest light fittings, we have finally started to renovate our nest. Now anyone who knows us will wonder what I mean by ‘started’, because we appear to have started many times. The most recent of which  involved tearing up the carpets and staring at the bare boards and concrete and wondering what on earth we were going to do.

We stared and stared at those boards for a few months. “One can’t rush these things!” I declared.  “There are many options to consider.” This was true. Sand and stain the existing boards and carpet the rest? Lay floating boards? Carpet the lot? Which would be most durable? Cheapest? Warmest? Coolest?  And so we pondered. We fluctuated. We vacillated. We hemmed and hawed. There may have even been some shilly shallying. We came out decisively in favour of one idea, and the next day were decidedly in the camp of another. Australia lost and gained a PM, ran an election, then formed a minority government from a hung parliament in less time. Compared to us Windsor and Kattar are rash and impulsive. I have stared at colour charts in Bunnings for longer than Rob Oakeshott can talk.

These tools were in vogue when we began this project...

These tools were in vogue when we began this project...

At last though I am happy to say that the deed has been done. A decision has been reached. Quotes have been obtained, materials purchased and experts booked. Our home will begin its transformation from 70s reject to wonder of the new millennium. Just don’t ask me which millennium that is.

Have you renovated? Any tips or advice for us?

And if you really want a laugh – check out the Bathroom the 70s Forgot. This is what I’m working with, people!

Category: Domestic Thinks  8 Comments  Tags: ,

Unexpected Guests – R – Us

24
Jun 2010
By

After a recent bout of the flu, I’m afraid to say that my home isn’t quite as tidy as it should be. A thumping headache and a rainy morning on Sunday encouraged me to shelve my plans to get myself and the kids ready to go to church and I made the executive decision to stay in bed for a while instead. What a great idea.

At 9.15am I received an unexpected phone call from a friend from out of town. He was wondering if he could call in for coffee to chat and catch up for an hour or so. No rush. He wouldn’t be at my place for at least half an hour. Was that okay? Sure, I said. Sounds like a great idea.

Not only did the house need urgent attention, my purple PJs with the blue hippos on them probably weren’t going to cut it for greeting a guest either. The kids were quickly mobilised into a loungeroom cleaning taskforce while I tried to simultaneously wash up, tidy the kitchen and clear the dining room table. That done, I just had to clean the bathroom, hide the washing pile and get myself showered and dressed. Piece of cake. Cake? Oh no. What could I serve with coffee?

welcome-matM: I’m feeling sorry for the friend. He was obviously expecting you to be at church, and was planning on leaving a “Sorry I missed you” message.
S: Hmph. At least I got it together in time. What would you have done?
M: Anyone who shows up at my house before 11 on a Sunday morning gets to watch a horror flick entitled “The Undercaffeinated Monster from the Depths of the Doona”.

The whole experience got us thinking and we have come up with a brilliant new business idea – Unexpected Guests R Us. For a small fee, you join our contact list and periodically we call you and say we’re on our way over. It’s amazing how much cleaning you can get done in 30 minutes if you know there are guests arriving.

Basic package would be a phone call with 30 minutes warning. Advanced package would give only 20 minutes. The deluxe package would include an extra challenge. Something along the lines of “We’re on our way and we’ve got Aunt Mabel with us. You know how much she loves your homemade scones with jam and whipped cream. See you in half an hour.”

So give us a call, but best to try on our mobiles because we’re on our way. We’ve got our neighbours two-year-old triplets with us. Will that be a problem?

Category: Domestic Thinks  9 Comments

The Spider Chronicles

13
May 2010
By

My severe arachnophobia is well-known. I blame the Dr Who Planet of the Spiders episode. My research showed that this first aired in 1974, so assuming it came to Australia not long afterwards, I must have been around 3 or 4 years old when I saw it. Even looking back at the hokey 70s prop spiders gives me the heebeejeebees.

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OK – posting that for you is killing me. [pic of large spider replaced with cute kitty for your reading pleasure!]:

I’m getting a little better. As an adult, I have managed to let go of my daddy-long-legs fears. That’s a good thing, because my house is full of them. But it wasn’t until my late teens that I managed to cope with them.  Growing up with an outside loo was torture. Tarantulas and bird-eating spiders are exotic and not likely to be crawling into my bed at night, so I can cope with their existence as long as I can’t see them. The black housespiders that nest in the eaves are creepy, but keep their distance. Redbacks are nasty, but teeny tiny and easily identified. These days my real anxiety really only shows itself with two kinds of spiders. Unfortunately they are kind of rife around here.

Despite knowing that huntsman spiders are benign and safe, I can’t cope with them being in the house. Fair call too, because they are HUGE. Like the size of my hand. And they sit on the wall and ceiling with their legs all spread out. It’s unnerving. Once when my daughter was a newborn, I noticed one above the doorway to our bedroom. Thank goodness I had moved the bassinet into the sunroom before I saw it, because I honestly cannot say if I would have been able to walk under the spider to go to her. And if I had, I doubt I would have been able to walk back out. I checked on it for hours to make sure it didn’t disappear, because if there is one thing worse than a spider you can see, it’s a spider you can’t see but you know is there.

My arch-nemesis is of course the funnel-web spider. A much more sensible fear, because of the whole Most Fucking Venomous Spider in the World thing. They are in my nightmares. Just thinking about them makes my hands shake. Until three years ago, I had little exposure to them, despite always living in their territory. And then we moved here – to this nice house backing on to a tad of bushland, with a pool. How many “funney buggers” have I seen since? We are in double digits! Never near the house, always in the pool after heavy rain. I understand they can survive underwater for days, and when you pull them out they might look dead, but they can come back to life. Here is one we pulled out back when we first moved in Again replaced by same cute kitty all growed up:

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Now they are so commonplace we don’t bother taking pics. Gah.

But my favourite (and by favourite, I mean most nightmarish) spider story is this:

One day when I was a new young mum, I was doing a load of laundry. I was whistling as I worked, because there is nothing more cheery than washing a pile of wee baby onesies on a sunny Spring day. As I loaded up the washing machine, I noticed a teeny tiny spider just inside the rim. About the size of my little fingernail. A ‘pidey. So I squashed it with my thumb and closed the lid of the machine. Strange. There it was again. A teeny tiny ‘pidey on the lid. So I squashed it again. With my thumb. Not before noticing that it looked like a miniature cute widdle huntsman.

And then I looked up…

The ceiling of the laundry was covered in hundreds of teeny tiny huntsmen. Crawling with them. And one big mothership huntsman in the corner, glowering at me. It was like the end of Charlotte’s Web, when her egg sac hatches and the air is full of tiny spiders. If Charlotte’s Web were written by Stephen King.  I shut the door and walked away. I may have curled up and sobbed for a while, I can’t recall. Then I did what any right-minded, environmentally aware person would do – I had my husband napalm all up in that joint until  the little bastards were dead, dead, dead.

So now you know what’s in my Room101. What’s your worst phobia?

Category: Domestic Thinks  2 Comments  Tags: , ,

Surprising Whitegoods

01
Mar 2010
By

ice cubesI bought a new fridge on the weekend. Mostly because we needed more space, but also because I love the idea of a dedicated spare fridge in the garage for drinks. This will also come in handy when my husband brings home “Surprise Meat”.

There are two types of Surprise Meat. The first is that of meat trays won at the Friday Night Raffles, offered up like a peasant seeking indulgences from the Pope, in atonement for spending too long at the RSL after work.The second kind is  enormous bulk bags of dog bones that were on sale when he went to the butcher’s for something to throw on the BBQ.  Both kinds of Surprise Meat would be great value for money, except we have to call the kids in to eat a litre of icecream and 2 bags of grated cheese to fit it all in. Not anymore. “Straight to the garage!” I will bellow, thus taking care of both purchases and purchaser for some time.

Another delight of my new purchase has been the owner’s manual. Now I know what you’re thinking – “It’s a fridge! Plug it in. Turn it on.” But this new-fangled appliance has a special cooling area for meat, as well as some digital display bits and a water dispenser, so I wanted to make sure I was “doing it right”. No RTFM errors for this little black duck.

Of course I forgot to take a refresher course in manualese and techish. This manual seems to have taken a particularly convoluted course through one of the dodgier online translators.

Highlights include:

  • When the door is opened, the warmer air can’t influence in the fresh zone. So you can store food more fresh in it.
  • Inserted convertible room must be placed at its position. If door is opened, it can’t fill the role of it.
  • …and oxidize under sunlight to decomposing malodor by ultraviolet.

Most puzzling were the instructions included with the water dispenser. Do not use anything other than water including. That’s it. Including what? Now I’m wondering what thing I could have possibly thought of that doesn’t fall under the “anything other than water” stipulation.Although I may have briefly considered how awesome it would be to have a chilled gin and tonic dispenser within reach at all times.

But my favourite part of the brochure is the warning box clarifying how to dispose of a fridge safely, so that children can’t become locked inside. Very important information, and the eye is drawn to it because the heading reads VERY DANGEROUS ATTRACTION! I want that on a t-shirt.

Category: Domestic Thinks  4 Comments  Tags: ,

Dial 7 for Housekeeping

08
Feb 2010
By

LAUNDRY HANGING RAIL2Today I should be cleaning. Unfortunately I would have to be one of the world’s worst housekeepers. I understand that doing a little bit every day should make the load lighter but other than washing the clothes and dishes, it’s a bit beyond me. Usually I just wait until it gets out of control or visitors are expected and then set to like a woman possessed for three days and get things into shape.

I’ve tried all the handy hints that have been offered to me to help establish a routine. One suggestion is to get up and put your shoes on straight away. This is meant to make you feel like you are busy and going out, so you will be less likely to laze about on the lounge eating bonbons instead of spit-polishing the shower. This doesn’t work for me because I hate wearing shoes. Plus if you can’t feel the grit under your feet it is all too easy to ignore it. (Found this one out the hard way, when the children got stuck to the kitchen floor.)

Another plan was to put on a timer and just spend ten minutes at each task. The idea is that because you have limited time, you work faster and get things done quicker, plus you don’t lose interest because you are moving from one job to another. I was just left with about 20 jobs half done at the end of the day.

I have friends who schedule cleaning and won’t go out at all on Cleaning Day. If they do have to let it go for some important event, it throws their whole week out.  I’m all “Well I was meant to be cleaning out the fridge today, but hey, you want to go look at paint charts? I’m there!” If life was animated, this would be the point where you’d see a me-shaped hole in the dust.

As for ironing – (yes, I’m looking at you, Mr Abbott) – ugh! My husband happily irons his own shirt every morning while watching the news. Everything else gets hung carefully to avoid wrinkles, and I am often to be seen madly scrunching at clothes in shops to check the material for creasing tendencies.When we were moving I seriously considered knocking back a perfectly good house because the local school’s uniform had pleated tunics. Luckily we found a better house near a wash-and-wear school!

What lengths will you go to to avoid cleaning?

Category: Domestic Thinks  2 Comments

By Popular Demand

22
Dec 2009
By

One of our most requested recipes from Keep the Table Laughing is the Vodka Slush.vodka

Since I am about to officially start Slush Week 2009, I thought I’d give all our readers an early Christmas gift, and share the recipe.

Ingredients:

  • 3 cups water
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 3 cups orange juice
  • 1 1/2 cups pineapple juice
  • 1 1/2 cups apricot nectar
  • 1 1/2 cups vodka (or just hold the bottle upside down and watch it go glug glug glug, say “whoops!” then keep pouring)

Method:

  • Boil sugar and water for 2 minutes. Allow to cool.
  • Combine sugar/water mix with remaining ingredients.
  • Freeze.

Stirring the mix occasionally helps it maintain a slushy consistency.

To serve:

  • Scoop 1-2 ice cream scoops of mix into a tumbler and top with dry ginger ale.
  • Stick feet in a paddling pool, grab a good summer read and enjoy!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Category: Domestic Thinks  One Comment

Swimming in Smugness

15
Nov 2009
By

23SEP07 033As November rolls on the weather is heating up here in Newcastle. We are entering that small window of time where pool-owners feel very smug. Please don’t hate us for our arrogance. We have battled to create these few weeks of summer bliss for ourselves. Each season we endure fifty-nine trips to the pool shop, thirty-two backbreaking retrievals of water samples to test, sixty-eight hose-outs of the clogged filter basket and seven hundred and ninety-six scoopings of leaves. This is just the day-to-day maintenance.

This year our old filter sprung a leak and of course we didn’t get around to replacing it until spring had arrived and the kids were moaning for a swim. The replacement filter was a new design – slightly higher than the old one. We had to adjust the existing pipes to fit – a job requiring manual dexterity, several trips to Bunnings, long forgotten sixth grade mathematics and a choice selection of words from the “F” section of the dictionary.

Of course once the new filter was up and running, the weather turned cold and miserable for several weeks. Once October took hold, we attempted to clean the pool that had not been cleaned since the old filter packed it in back in March. My husband (remember Scooby Doo?) was concerned about a subterranean gurgling that only he could hear. Luckily my man can dig a hole with a Dale Kerrigan-like zeal, and a leaky pipe was soon discovered and (after another trip to Bunnings) patched.  We cleaned and readied the pool for the onslaught of the heat.

So last week the kids swam. And swam.  And swam. Then we thought we should probably get the water properly tested by the professionals. Apparently we’re lucky that the kids still have their eyebrows and haven’t grown scales. Two hundred dollars later, we had a speed lab of chemicals in our shed and a list of processes that would make a Masterchef contestant cry. We were not fazed. We were ready to be smug. Step one – add chlorine. Within minutes the water took on a greenish tinge. The instructions say to wait an hour. We waited. The water that was swimmable two days ago was now the colour of Mountain Dew. A call to the Pool Guy only got us the words you never want to hear from a diagnostician: “Hmmm, that’s strange”. NOOOOOOOOO!

Fortunately, we decided to take two aspirins and call him in the morning, if our pain persisted. Sunday morning dawned bright and clear, and our pool was bluer than blue.  So now we can start updating our Facebook status with “enjoying a few cold ones in the pool”. At work my husband will be able to talk about how refreshing it is to have a quick dip before breakfast.  The kids’ popularity rating at school will soar. I am smug at last.

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Cornelius, You’re My Hero

23
Oct 2009
By

Earlier this year my beloved popcorn maker died. On reflection, this could be the reason I have had such an unproductive winter. I’ve obviously been in mourning.

cornelius popcorn makerI know that you can make popcorn the old-fashioned way, but after years of the convenience of my air-popper, it seems so cumbersome to go back to shaking a saucepan over the stovetop burner (not to mention the hassle of having to clean a saucepan afterwards).

I did plan to simply replace my poor overworked popper, but I never seemed to remember when I was out shopping and when I did remember the stores didn’t seem to have any in stock.

But, those sad and empty days are gone. Today we welcomed (Sunbeam) Cornelius into our home and harmony has returned to our afternoon snack time. Feeling peckish kids? No problem, I’ll just whip up some popcorn for you. Tah-Dah! Done!

We tend to just enjoy our popcorn with a little salt and melted butter. I think I might have a caramel popcorn recipe hidden away somewhere though which I probably should find now that the wonderful Cornelius is here to stay.

Do you have a favourite popcorn topping, sweet or savoury? Please leave a comment with some popcorn “seasoning” suggestions, or if you’ve posted a recipe on your blog feel free to include the link.

Related Links:

The Best Thing Since Sliced – Well, You Know… (new Breville bread maker)

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