Author Archive

Unexpected Guests – R – Us

24
Jun 2010
By

After a recent bout of the flu, I’m afraid to say that my home isn’t quite as tidy as it should be. A thumping headache and a rainy morning on Sunday encouraged me to shelve my plans to get myself and the kids ready to go to church and I made the executive decision to stay in bed for a while instead. What a great idea.

At 9.15am I received an unexpected phone call from a friend from out of town. He was wondering if he could call in for coffee to chat and catch up for an hour or so. No rush. He wouldn’t be at my place for at least half an hour. Was that okay? Sure, I said. Sounds like a great idea.

Not only did the house need urgent attention, my purple PJs with the blue hippos on them probably weren’t going to cut it for greeting a guest either. The kids were quickly mobilised into a loungeroom cleaning taskforce while I tried to simultaneously wash up, tidy the kitchen and clear the dining room table. That done, I just had to clean the bathroom, hide the washing pile and get myself showered and dressed. Piece of cake. Cake? Oh no. What could I serve with coffee?

welcome-matM: I’m feeling sorry for the friend. He was obviously expecting you to be at church, and was planning on leaving a “Sorry I missed you” message.
S: Hmph. At least I got it together in time. What would you have done?
M: Anyone who shows up at my house before 11 on a Sunday morning gets to watch a horror flick entitled “The Undercaffeinated Monster from the Depths of the Doona”.

The whole experience got us thinking and we have come up with a brilliant new business idea – Unexpected Guests R Us. For a small fee, you join our contact list and periodically we call you and say we’re on our way over. It’s amazing how much cleaning you can get done in 30 minutes if you know there are guests arriving.

Basic package would be a phone call with 30 minutes warning. Advanced package would give only 20 minutes. The deluxe package would include an extra challenge. Something along the lines of “We’re on our way and we’ve got Aunt Mabel with us. You know how much she loves your homemade scones with jam and whipped cream. See you in half an hour.”

So give us a call, but best to try on our mobiles because we’re on our way. We’ve got our neighbours two-year-old triplets with us. Will that be a problem?

Category: Domestic Thinks  9 Comments

Follow the Leader

30
Nov 2009
By

Another one from the vault – this blog was first published on Just Humour Us prior to the 2007 election, when it looked like John Howard would step down as candidate or retire mid-term. Plus ça change…

House_of_Representatives,_Parliament_House,_CanberraIt would seem that the Federal Liberal Party are about to encounter the type of leadership musical chairs problem that until recently plagued the Labor Party. In an attempt to avoid wasting many more years through in-fighting in both government and opposition, we have come up with the following suggestions. They seem to work quite well with infants students who suffer with the same ‘but you went first yesterday’ mentality.

Leader for the Day

One person is selected at random to be the leader. They get to sit in the big chair.

M: Looking at our next likely candidates for Prime Minister, we may need to supply a booster seat.

They can choose their own assistant leader. This is usually their BFF (BestFriendForever) of the moment. These two get to do all the important jobs that day. No-one can be leader two days in a row.

Alphabetical Order

An old favourite. Everyone’s name is written down. Start with the ‘A’s’ and work your way through to the ‘Z’s’. Everyone gets a turn, no-one misses out. No favouritism.

Pick a name from a hat

Totally random. You never know when your turn will come up, so you always have to be prepared. Cabinet portfolios could also be assigned this way – along the same lines as the family Christmas draw.

S: And no redraws because you got Environment and Water Resources last year.

M: Those darn greenies are impossible to buy for!

Star of the Week

Everyone gets to be the centre of attention for one week. They can design their own marketing campaign, they get to talk about themselves all the time, everyone else has to defer to them for the week. Next week, they are back to being one of the crowd.

We figured if these techniques work with the average 6-8 year old, they should be perfect for dealing with our federal parliamentarians.

Category: Deep Thinks  Leave a Comment

I Am, You Are, We Are Australian

20
Nov 2009
By

Have you ever considered how much of an impression it can make on someone when you welcome them in to your world and focus on what you have in common rather than keeping your distance and highlighting the differences?

Okay, I’m about to get just a little bit philosophical, but first I will offer a little background information to make it easier for you to see how I got to the statement above.

To help my daughter with an assignment on Aboriginal culture recently, I organised for her to visit the Arwrabukarl Cultural Resource Association in Newcastle. While her project didn’t call for specific information, I was keen for her to think about the culture of the Aboriginal people of our area, the Awabakals, rather than simply searching for generic information.

Daryn McKenny at the Arwarbukarl CRA was incredibly helpful and generous with his time, trading emails and taking an hour when we visited to explain local Awabakal customs and ceremonies and Aboriginal culture in general.

As part of discussing the ceremonies held in the local area, Daryn commented that the history of the Awabakal people is part of our heritage to, as people who live in Newcastle. His comment has had me thinking over the past few days about the “us and them” view I guess I have unconsciously taken in the past towards Indiginous Australians.

On reflection, it makes so much more sense to me to identify with the culture and history of my hometown rather than simply counting back the 4 – 5 generations since my family first moved to this area and then transferring my focus to people I never met in a country that I have no emotional connection with at all (my family tree originates in England, Ireland, Scotland and Germany).

I was born and raised in Newcastle and aside from 6 years spent in Orange in rural New South Wales, I have spent my entire life in this area – attended school here, worked here and now I am raising my own children here. When people mention “hometown” it is Newcastle that comes to mind.

As such, I am surprised that it has only just occurred to me, thanks to the warmly inclusive comments of Daryn McKenny, that the heritage of this area is part of my own story at least as much as the story of my European ancestors.

I guess that embracing the Awabakal culture as part of my own heritage will involve walking a rather tenuous line with the risk of appearing patronising and/or dismissive to the Awabakal people themselves. It is impossible to deny that the first European settlers did little to appreciate the rich culture of the people they so readily dismissed and displaced and there is always the risk that I would appear just as dismissive by claiming any right to share their story.

For now, I am simply going to spend some time simply allowing this new thought to sink in – that I can consider myself as somehow connected to the story of the Awabakal people rather than existing as an interested but detached observer.

For anyone interested in learning more about the Awabakal people and their language, I can highly recommend contacting the Arwarbukarl Cultural Resource Association, which is located in the Newcastle inner city (contact details available at the ACRA website).

I’d love to know what you consider to be your cultural heritage, especially if you live in an area different to where you, your parents or grandparents were born. Do you relate more closely to the culture of past generations of your family or to the culture of the place where you now live?

Note
The title of this post comes from I Am Australian, a song written by Bruce Woodley and Dobe Newton in 1987. The lyrics for the chorus are:

We are one, but we are many
And from all the lands on earth we come
We share a dream and sing with one voice
I am, you are, we are Australian.

Full lyrics, including additional verses written by Woodley after the devastating 2009 Victorian bushfires can be found here.

Related links
Reviews at Suite101 and Reading Upside Down of Lenny and the Big Red Kinan by Faith Baisden (an Awabakal language children’s picture book).

Category: Deep Thinks  3 Comments  Tags: , , ,

Cornelius, You’re My Hero

23
Oct 2009
By

Earlier this year my beloved popcorn maker died. On reflection, this could be the reason I have had such an unproductive winter. I’ve obviously been in mourning.

cornelius popcorn makerI know that you can make popcorn the old-fashioned way, but after years of the convenience of my air-popper, it seems so cumbersome to go back to shaking a saucepan over the stovetop burner (not to mention the hassle of having to clean a saucepan afterwards).

I did plan to simply replace my poor overworked popper, but I never seemed to remember when I was out shopping and when I did remember the stores didn’t seem to have any in stock.

But, those sad and empty days are gone. Today we welcomed (Sunbeam) Cornelius into our home and harmony has returned to our afternoon snack time. Feeling peckish kids? No problem, I’ll just whip up some popcorn for you. Tah-Dah! Done!

We tend to just enjoy our popcorn with a little salt and melted butter. I think I might have a caramel popcorn recipe hidden away somewhere though which I probably should find now that the wonderful Cornelius is here to stay.

Do you have a favourite popcorn topping, sweet or savoury? Please leave a comment with some popcorn “seasoning” suggestions, or if you’ve posted a recipe on your blog feel free to include the link.

Related Links:

The Best Thing Since Sliced – Well, You Know… (new Breville bread maker)

Category: Domestic Thinks  Leave a Comment  Tags: , ,

Nun-Denominational Fun

12
Oct 2009
By

Nuns 'N' RosesWith 13 years of Catholic education in my distant past (note Meredith’s recent comments about our 20 year school reunion), I have a healthy respect for nuns. My memories range from the wonderful Sr Mary Amata, the school librarian who encouraged my love of books and reading, to the rather intimidating Sr Mary Pauline, who made my bush dancing classes 45 minutes of sheer torture.Reverend Mother of Purl

Given my experiences with nuns in the past, it is perhaps not surprising that I was intrigued by the Nun of a Kind website with its fantastic range of gift nuns. That’s right, you can purchase your very own, shipped direct to your door nun.

Once I visited The Nunnery I was hooked. Reverend Mother of Purl, the knitting nun. Nuns ‘n’ Roses, the rock’n’roll nun. Sr Nun the Wiser, the university graduate. Absolutely priceless as a gift idea for anyone with a Catholic background who can appreciate a good pun or simply someone like Meredith who includes nuns in her list of fundamentally amusing things.

Once I knew the Sisters existed I just had to have one. I just had to find a reason to justify my purchase. Fortunately, Linda the creator of the wonderful nuns, added a new nun, Sr Paige Turner the writing nun, just in time. Before you could say “get thee to a nunnery”, I had ordered two, one for me and one for Meredith.

Sr Paige Turner - our Keep the Table Laughing NunI didn’t stop there of course (Hello. My name is Susan. I am a compulsive online shopper). Thanks to a few emails bounced back and forth with the very helpful Linda, I also ordered two Sr Bea Well nuns as a special gift for my mother and her best friend, both of whom are breast cancer survivors.Sr Bea Well - Breast Cancer Survivor tribute sister

If you’re looking for a gift for someone with a great sense of humour, the Nun-denominational sisters are a fantastic bet-you-don’t-have-one-of-these gift. I have now outdone any gift Meredith could ever possibly give to me in the future (after all, how do you trump a personalised nun?) and my mother and her friend were very impressed with their special breast cancer survivor tribute nuns.

I’m rather partial to Sr Nun the Wiser given my probably return to studies at the end of this year. Sr Eileen, the off-centre nun appeals to my fondness for puns and how could any good book blogger go past Sr Rita Story, the reading nun?

Visit the Nunnery and then let us know Sr Nun the Wiserwhich nun is your favourite.Sr Rita Story

Category: Thinking with my Heart  4 Comments  Tags: ,

Does your Muse keep regular business hours?

11
Oct 2009
By

One of the more challenging aspects of being a writer is the need to be creative on demand. It isn’t always possible to simply write when the mood strikes, especially if an important deadline is looming.

Of course it is easier to write when your muse is in the mood. Unfortunately, my muse is of a particularly quirky disposition. I seem to be at my most creative between 5 – 7 pm (when I am trying to organise dinner and bedtime routines) and after 11pm at night (when the rest of my body is shifting into shut-down mode for the day).

Inspiration often strikes while I’m in the shower but my poor sleep deprived brain is incapable of holding on to the ideas long enough for me to get to a notepad to write them down. A friend once suggested that I use a chinagraph pencil on the tiles, but that would mean more time spent cleaning the bathroom, right? Obviously that’s not going to happen.

I also tend to get quite creative when Meredith is occupied for a few days and can’t get to her computer, leaving me with complete control of our writing domain. This may explain why she rarely goes away for family holidays, as the insane number of emails from me she has waiting in her inbox when she returns scares her a little, I think.

What about you? Do you have a regular time of day when you’re all fired up and ready to write? Is your muse a free spirit like mine (that sounds so much nicer than headstrong and unmanageable) or does your creativity submit to a writing routine? If you’ve managed to achieve the latter, please feel free to share your tips and advice on how to train your muse to perform on demand.

Category: Thinking with my Heart  4 Comments  Tags: , , ,

And then the World went Orange

22
Sep 2009
By

I was woken up at 6.30am by my son who wanted to tell me that the sky was all orange. “Yes, we call that sunrise” I mumbled as I rolled over.

“No, I think it might be the end of the world… or a dust storm.”

So I decided to get up and have a look (after all, I’d hate to sleep through the end of the world). And what do you know, the sky really was orange.

We can usually see two suburbs and the bypass in the distance from this window

 

 There is usually a distant view of the ocean from this angle

Further research (thanks, Google) tells me that this is a once in a decade dust storm that has brought Sydney to a standstill.

I can imagine that there is already chaos in Sydney with the airport and city traffic obviously affected by the low visibility. Here in Newcastle it will probably be just starting to have an effect now. I know my kids are already trying to work out whether it will get them a day off school.

Is the sky orange where you are?

Category: Thinking with my Heart  One Comment  Tags: ,

I’m Officially Declaring August “Time to Get My Butt into Gear Month”

02
Aug 2009
By

Well, I might have to come up with a shorter, catchier title, but the basic premise remains.

In keeping with my general bull-at-a-gate, jumping-in-the-deep-end, mixing-random-metaphors habit, I’m going to tackle all areas of my life at once in one great big super overhaul. It’s like Renovation Rescue for my life – out with the old, broken, sadly out of date and no longer useful and in with… well, I’m not sure yet. But whatever it is it will be organised, useful and won’t take up much space.

Budget, kids’ routines, paperwork, cleaning, wardrobes, cooking, writing – I’m reviewing the whole lot. Watch out world, I’m a woman with a mission.

There is one significant obstacle to overcome in my headlong rush towards organisational enlightenment however. When she reads this (yes Meredith, I’m talking about you), she will phone me and remind me gently but firmly that I was instructed to make my blog posts funny.

Personally, I don’t think she has anything to worry about. If you could see my house, you’d think the idea of me getting it all under control in a month is the funniest thing you’ve ever heard.

To keep Meredith happy however, I will do my very best to share only the light-hearted, amusing side of my headlong rush into domestic routine. The quirky little highlights in my otherwise dust-coated day.

My first baby step in the direction of a clutter-free life will be to make all posts in my Google reader as ‘read’.

Goodbye witty and amusing posts that I would have loved if only I had read you. Goodbye book recommendations for novels that I would love to add to my TBR if it hadn’t already reached critical mass. Goodbye thoughtful, encouraging, thought-provoking or simply interesting posts. I wish I had read you, but I’m afraid it’s just not going to happen.

Ah, I feel better already.

Anyone want to join me on this odyssey to liberate myself from chaos? Misery loves company The more the merrier. Jump on the bandwagon and we’ll conquer our To Do Lists one task at a time. 

PS I know I posted about this last week. I have spent the past week waiting for you all to send my the links to the miracle website or the name of the perfect book to help me in my quest. Sadly, there were no miracle solutions forthcoming, so it looks like I’m just going to have to do this the hard way.

PPS I haven’t posted a photo with this post because I think I may have frightened Aunt Becky from Mommy Wants Vodka with the photo on my last organisational blog. I will try to find some less confronting images to include in the future. :-)

Category: Domestic Thinks  One Comment

Time to Get Organised

23
Jul 2009
By

Messy? Who, Me?I have decided it is Time To Get Organised. Note the capitalisation, my friends. I am serious this time. No more procrastinating. No more excuses. It’s time to stop writing To Do Lists and time to start actually Doing stuff…. Well, maybe just a few To Do Lists. It’s probably not healthy to go cold turkey.

I am a compulsive list maker and the queen of all procrastinators. This seems to be getting worse and my home is starting to look so chaotic that even compulsive hoarders would be shaking their heads in dismay.

The time has come to draw a line in the dust and say “Enough is Enough!”

So what does all this mean? For me, it means getting my butt into gear and putting some routines in place at home to help me get some of the mess sorted. For Meredith, it means that it is time for her to start worrying, because it isn’t just my house I need to get in order but my life, which includes our joint writing efforts. Be afraid, Meredith. Be very afraid.

“I think you might be over-reacting”, I hear you say. You think so, do you? You noticed the pile of mess above? Well, that just a sample. Check this out. This is my dining room table:

Dinner is served!

See what I mean? It’s time to do something before every flat surface in the house is covered with books, papers, kids’ craft, junk mail and miscellaneous stuff.

How do I plan to achieve this amazing organisational nirvana? Well, I do have a bookshelf of home organisation books that I could read. Who knows, they might actually contain some useful tips.

Step one will be to assemble these books, pick out the best ones, Book Mooch the rest and get to work. Hmm. That’s actually quite a few steps, but you know what I mean.

Over the weekend I am going to put together a Susan’s Self-Improvement Project Master List (note the capitals once again. I’m not mucking around here). I will then post it here including links to the books and websites that I’m going to use to help me.

I’m open to suggestions for websites that might be helpful, so please add comments with useful links or general encouragement. I may even set up a weekly challenge if anyone else is interested. You never know. We could have a home organisation revolution! Bwahahaha. Oh, evil megalomaniacal laughter probably isn’t appropriate for this sort of revolution, is it? Sorry.

Category: Domestic Thinks  3 Comments

That isn’t funny. THIS is funny.

23
Jul 2009
By

What makes you laugh out loud?Meredith and I both like to think of ourselves as being funny people. Well, to be more precise, Meredith likes to think of herself as funny and I like to humour her because it makes her easier to live with.

Generally speaking, we’re both easily amused and we quite enjoy coming across quirky news items and the absurdities of everyday life.

Neither of us tends to be particularly amused by mean-spirited mocking of others. We’re all for laughing at other people, but we generally restrict this to laughing at each other and letting the rest of the world alone. Well, we do have a go at politicians every now and then, but gentle mocking by their constituents is part of their job description, isn’t it?

We were chatting recently about which comedians we like and why and discussing humour in general – why it was funny to watch The Chaser Kevin Rudd “In Due Season” spoof of the Barak Obama “Yes we can” song (you can watch them side by side here at Mia Freedman’s Mama Mia) and why it wasn’t funny to read all the rather nasty Tweets about the Masterchef Australia finalists that were thinly disguised as witty remarks. Not nice people. Not nice at all.

I’m not a big fan of slapstick humour or the kind of humour that relies on mentioning the types of body parts and processes that I’m not going to mention here for fear of receiving an overwhelming number of spam comments. You all know the words I mean.

If I’m looking for a good laugh (and Meredith isn’t available for me to mock), the following are sure to get a laugh-out-loud reaction:

Comedians
(mostly Australian comedians listed here. If you’re not familiar with their work, you really should check them out).

  • Hamish & Andy
  • Shaun Micallef
  • Wil Anderson
  • Amanda Keller
  • Adam Hills
  • Tripod
  • Jimeoin 

Authors

  • Jasper Fforde
  • Douglas Adams
  • Terry Pratchett
  • Bill Bryson

Television and Movies

  • Monty Python
  • Fawlty Towers
  • Black Books
  • Top Gear
  • Black Adder

Comic Strips

  • Far Side
  • Calvin & Hobbes

Blogs

So what about you? What tickles your funny bone? What comedians have you chortling in your coffee? Are there any popular comedy programs or icons that you just don’t get? Are you a LOLcats fan or do you prefer something more esoteric or intellectual? Let us know what makes you have a good giggle?

Category: Deep Thinks  3 Comments
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