With the new Sex and the City movie coming out about now, lots of women my age are looking forward to catching up with their old friends Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda. And I am starting to feel a little lost again.
Despite having watched a handful of episodes over the years, I have never caught the SATC bug. Although I enjoyed it when I did watch it, the show just didn’t resonate with me as it did with so many women, and it never became appointment TV.
It’s not because I can’t relate to the premise of the show. Yes, I’m a largely fashionless, married mother on a budget in suburbia, but so are many SATC fans. I think my point of disconnection is the four main characters. Not as individuals, but rather as a collective. You see, I don’t often spend time with women in the plural. I don’t have a group of like-minded gal pals that I organise morning teas, play dates, girls’ nights out or in with.
That’s not to say that I don’t have wonderful friendships with other women. I have several beautiful close friends that I love to catch up with on an individual basis, with and without our families. I’m just not part of a particular group of women friends, who all know each other and socialise together. I do have acquaintances that revel in regular get-togethers “with the girls” . When I am invited along to such occasions, I often feel out of place. I’m not sure why. I have never been made to feel unwelcome. The topics of conversation are not that dissimilar to what I would cover with my closer friends. But it feels so very different to one-on-one.
Maybe it is because the chat moves faster. More people equals more ideas and opinions. Perhaps I am not as assertive in expressing myself in front of a crowd, although when the company is mixed I don’t seem to have a problem. Maybe, just maybe, it’s because somehow when women are presented as a group, I feel like I don’t measure up. I’ve always been a little less fashionable, more geek less chic, less feminine. When women are together in a large group, I feel like my unwomanliness becomes more apparent and I am on the outside of my gender looking in. Which is ridiculous when I think about it, because women aren’t some kind of hive mind, and to pass us all off as the same goes against my every belief. Maybe I feel more comfortable being myself in a group of two, because there is better chance for the other person to discover who I really am, and I in turn can better see who they really are.
So my female readers, what about you? Do you have a group of women friends that you love spending time with? How do you all know eachother? Or are you more comfortable with your friends one-on-one?
Hi Meredith – I love the name of your blog! And I 100% share your SATC / group of female friends sentiment. Like you, I have really close friends, but they aren’t all in the same ‘group”. There are groups of people that I’ve hung out with for years, but I don’t particularly feel close to any of them. I think I operate best on a 1 to 1 type of way and then the group friends are just for fun.
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I am a SATC die hard – but totally get what you mean about the group dynamic – I have never had that with a group of girlfriends – never will. I have girlfriends – we just don’t hang out as a group – I see them all individually.
I think what makes SATC so spesh is that all of us are bound to be able see ourselves represented somewhere in one of the characters or in all of the characters.
And the fashion – LOVE the fashion … it’s a bonding point for my daughter and I.
I would love to repost this on my blog … can I ?? I think it would be a really popular topic of discussion.
I’m with you too. I’m not trendy enough for one of those group type things. But put me with my close friends one on one and I can be me. I have two friends I can see together, but the dynamic does change significantly than when one on one. I just stumbled across your blog and am about to add it to my blog roll. I like what you have to say.
I have a close friend that I saw the first SATC movie with, and we will go again for this one. I took a while to catch on to it all, but I now love it. I think I mostly like it for the humor and fashion!
I’ve never felt trendy. Ever. Although I can appreciate fashion etc, I’m not in to it. I think I’m better when I’m with my closest friends. I like chatting with them. I don’t mind groups at all, but sometimes I find it a chore to sit and chat with so many at once!
Just want to draw attention to the fact that I am one of those “beautiful close friends”. (I hope)
I have several close friends as well that I love to get together with, but I don’t really have a group of friends either. I tend to catch up with friends one on one.
I’ve never really caught the SATC bug either. I’ve watched a few episodes, but I can’t say that it has ever really caught my attention, probably (as you mentioned) because there isn’t really anything that I can claim as a point of connection with my own life.
If the expensive fashion and big city lifestyle came my way I’m sure I’d enjoy it, but for now I’ll enjoy being a “beautiful close friend” and having fun with the life I have.