On the weekend I went shopping with my daughter for some clothes. At almost 12, she has definite tastes. It has been a long time since I dressed for fashion rather than comfort, but I thought I was doing pretty well at pointing out colours and styles that are “in” this season. But then I found myself furiously shaking my head “No” at a cropped denim jacket that would have barely skimmed a bikini top. “Jackets are for warmth and I’m not paying for half of one!” I said, and then quickly looked around for my father. Surely those were his words, not mine!
You see, as much as I like to think I’m pretty cool (Are kids still using that word? “Cool”?) I do tend towards the fuddy-duddy at times. Trouble is I can be a bit unpredictable with my preferences. For example I hate flat-brimmed caps, low hanging pants and “bling” on boys. But my son is one of only a few lads with long scruffy hair in a class of “short backs and sides”. I turn up my nose at designer wear and brand names but gladly fork out for Globe skate shoes if it means my kids will wear black leather shoes to school without a fight.
We eat dinner as a family almost every night, with the table set and the television off. At the end of the meal, if we are still sitting and chatting, the kids need to ask “May I be excused” before they leave. Terribly old-fashioned, and yet I don’t care if they eat breakfast while hanging upside down on the lounge watching cartoons. On school mornings. While still in their pyjamas.
We have a mobile phone ban in place until Year 7, but umpty-two computers, a PS3, multiple iPods and Nintendo DSs. I refuse to get pay TV but with the endless hours of television series and movies we have on DVD, I can’t see how it would possibly change our viewing habits. Yes to The Simpsons, no to Home and Away. Neighbours at a pinch, but only if I can watch too and laugh at it – and none of them during dinner of course! No chewing gum! No bubble gum! No stupid sour liquid confectionery in a squirty bottle. Coke? Occasionally as a treat. Chocolate? Hell yes! You can’t colour your hair until you are fifteen, but then you are allowed to dye it blue if you so desire. Lip gloss, sometimes. Lipstick NEVER!
So what do you think? Am I normal? What rules do you insist upon in your home? And which ones do you let slide?
Would respond, but still laughing. You had me at ‘half a jacket’ and breakfast on the lounge. What’s parenting if not a world of contradictions? Sorry to tell you this but you’re totally normal. But probably not that cool (and yes, I do think ‘cool’ is sooo 08).
Good to be normal, I guess. But think I would rather be cool/hep/with-it/wicked/rad – Oh God, it’s a lost cause, isn’t it?
What makes it really hard to enforce some of the table rules is when the OH just wanders off in the middle of a meal and ignores the whole thing.
Oooh – I’d be making him cook his own dinner!
Relating to every word here! I find a little voice inside my head often asking ‘am I normal?’ When it comes to rules we certainly have a few in this house, from no tv while we are eating dinner, to strict bedtimes on a school night, to a very limited diet of all things sweet, to no ds or wii on a school night. There are more but you get the idea! Even with a list of rules the children are coping very well
If you believe my kids, all other families eat meals of chewing gum and energy drinks while lying on the lounge every night, so maybe I’d rather not be normal. Or I need to get my kids to stop exaggerating.
Sometimes it feels like there are too many rules and it gets too hard. From speaking to other parents they are in the same dilemma, but funnily enough they ‘sort-of’ have the same rules. We too like everyone to sit and eat dinner at the table instead of in front of the TV, also no mobile-phones, IPods playing either. It just gets tough when their friends don’t have the same boundaries and you’re left feeling like a ‘little hitler’.
It’s hard isn’t it? Especially when these days there are such differences in the way families do things. I guess there is no right way, and everyone does what works best in their home. My kids are messy but I don’t particularly keep a perfect home, so it doesn’t bother me so much. Some friends get very cross when their kids don’t make their beds and clean their rooms, but they work full-time and need their kids to help in that way.
I think you stated the most important family ‘rule’ there is – “We eat dinner as a family almost every night, with the table set and the television off.” With this time for communication and connection, you have the perfect stage set to discuss and negotiate compromises on everything else!
Yes – this is important to us. Once my kids were a little older I stopped eating early, and waited dinner until my husband got home. We eat at 7 so we can all be together.
I love your rules, do you say “because I said so” when you are met with a “but why”? I love parents who say that and stick to it.
I was terrible at rules, I’m afraid I was a path of least resistance parent … short jacket? yep you can have it, if you’re cold you’ll live – mobile phone? yep there’s an old one in my room go get it I’ll get you a pre paid SIM – colour your hair? sure it will look cute with blonde tips.
I created a monster, a pretty well accessorised monster but a monster all the same!! haha
Ha. I get the path of least resistance thing. My theory is that you have to pick your battles and you catch more flies with honey. Phone is Not Negotiable though. I made that rule four years ago and I’m sticking to it. (Out-stubborning the stubborn…)
I do rock out the “because I said so” at times, and get the “But that’s not faaaaaaaaiiiirrrr” in return. To which I reply “Life’s not fair. Get over it.”
Man, I sound terrible. I do explain when explanation and reason is required. I think when I say “because I said so” it means that the reason is glaringly obvious. I also substitute “why do you think?” when they say “but why?” or also “because Y’s a crooked letter and you can’t straighten it” which is a Dadism as well.
chewing gum, yup, bubble gum, yup, coke, lexie was weened on it, dying hair, only if she pays for it herself (hasn’t happened so far), short jacket, probably wouldn’t like it but yup … pretty slack aren’t I … we eat together every night, sometimes around the coffee table (if OH isn’t home in time for tea) mostly the dinner table … I have a theory that our parents teach us tables manners so we can leave home and eat on the lounge only to teach our kids table manners so they can leave home and we can eat on the lounge again … luckily I have my girls convinced they wont need a phone until they are 15 … thanks for the blog, am researching them for uni (multimodal literacy, who knew)
Heh – gum chewing has always been reminiscent of cud-chewing to me, so my anti-gum rule is purely aesthetic.
15? I will be lucky to make it through this year without dropping dead from all the “I want a phoooooone” whinging.
“Jackets are for warmth and I’m not paying for half of one!” – GREAT QUOTE!